Wednesday, May 28, 2008

A Rasher Of Crap

As you may have seen on Trixi's blog we've been dealing with a whole spate of nasty nonsense recently. Its been literally one thing after another after another, and just when we think that karma's taken a day off, maybe to go surfing or something, it turns out its just a little breather between rounds and in s/he goes, pummeling us like Carl Weathers on crystal meth. I keep thinking about that book from the 70s, "When Bad Things Happen To Good People." Then I think "Shit, I never read that book, I was, like, seven years old when it came out, I was probably reading 'Are You My Mother?' or something." Then I think "That title reminds me a lot of those product names from the 70s, like 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific' or 'I Can't Believe Its Not Butter' and I wonder why long titles were so friggin' sellable for a while there. Then I wonder if in fact I am good people at all, really, and start enumerating my many faults. Then I ponder the concept of karma, and start wondering if there's something really appallingly awful that maybe I did at some point that I still haven't paid off (see: earlier blog posts, I think I have that covered!). Then I wonder if there's some cosmic bank teller somewhere, some anal-retentive, pinched-faced supernatural curmudgeon in another dimension or something, tallying up karma and keeping track of who's been naughty and who's been nice like a vindictive Santa Claus in Mr. Yuck green. Then I think about how Santa from those Rankin/Bass specials seemed like kind of a jerk -- I thought he was supposed to be all kind and stuff, why is he giving poor Rudolph and that fucking dentist elf such a hard time? Then I wonder what kind of a name Thurl Ravenscroft is, anyway -- who the hell names their kid "Thurl"? Unless they're some kind of twisted H.P. Lovecraft cultists and expect their child to be the Bringer of Darkness or something. Then I wonder if in fact maybe I *am* fucking Damien from the Omen, and that's why all this bad crap keeps happening, and maybe I just haven't tapped into my supernatural powers. And then I think "holy crap, I think I'm maybe losing my mind." And then I think "what the hell IS my mind, anyway? Is it just some kind of chemical construct? Is there a soul? Is there an afterlife? And if there is, how's the real estate market?" And then I'm at "how do I know the color brown YOU see is the color brown *I* see," and at this point, I usually pour myself a drink, turn on something by the Carpenters, and drift off in a drunken reverie. Sigh.


MissTrixi said...

So, why is Karma going after me if it's you that pissed her off?

*staring at 'I'm gonna sue you' letter from car accident lady*

Can this stop now, please?


LAP said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Febrifuge said...

1) You're good people. Definitely.

2) Although you're weird.

3) I think I'm afraid to go read Trixi's blog now.

4) And it just happens I've chosen not to blog about my own recent badness... mostly because the more recent awesomeness balances it out, and partly because I don't want to dwell on it. But I've got some, is the thing. And it's fairly random, and stupid, and persistently messing up my mojo lately. So it's not just you.

Prince Gomolvilas said...

...But then bad karma gets tired and takes a break and good things start happening. Like John Hiatt's new album came out yesterday, and Amazon will let you have the title track for free, and Prince posts a handy link for you:


You start out trying to change everything
You wind up dancing with who you bring
I loved you then and my love still stands
Honey, I'm still the same old man

Prince Gomolvilas said...

...That's weird. That comment posted by LAP above was actually mine! How did I log into her account?!

Prince Gomolvilas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LAP said...

No, I was posting MY comment, and it came up with your stuff Prince! My excellent sage wisdom and sympathy are totally lost now, and I deleted the false comment since I saw yours with the right author.

It's all science fiction in here.

Anonymous said...

my heart goes out to you both dealing with this endless pile of poo. but since neither of you sweet good peeps deserve any of this horseshit you've been dealing with, here's my take on it. its the Great Relationship Test from the spirits that be. if you and trix can battle said endless stream o'poo with your solid teamwork of friendship and love, a little bit o' grace and LOT of humor, then your home free. which, according to both your blogs, you already are, and you continue to be, then your clearly gonna ace the spirit's test with flying goddamn colors, and be the BESTEST STRONGEST COUPLE ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH. what else could it be? go team jon/trix!! i'll burn some sage tonite and talk to the spirits and try to reason with them on your behalf as well. after a few microbrews. i live in oregon so i guess i'm allowed...chins up, kelly

Mimi NY said...

it's a good thing, you're getting it out of the way. When stuff goes good you have bad shit to look forward to, when stuff goes bad it can only get better....

Prince Gomolvilas said...

Blogger is CRAZY!

belsum said...

Dude. That Santa was such a dick. I can't stand watching Rudolph anymore because of it.

Anonymous said...

Wow, guys, I did not really have an idea about the general shit-biscuitry going on in your life right now.

Transition can be a nasty fucking test of your mettle. It was for us, and we are coming out of it....surprisingly shiny and undamaged for the most part. You will look back on all this ruefully, with a laugh, and soon. Rilly, you will.

Drink your way through what you can, rage your way through what you can't, and most important, keep positive people who look forward instead of backward around you now.

In solidarity....Commenters Anonymous

Ashley! said...

How do you think Karma feels about filing karma bankruptcy?

There's got to a rule somewhere in the karma book which allows such a thing.

I agree that things can only get better. You're just getting all the bad stuff out of the way.

Plus, I've got a small gift for you and Miss Trixi that I shall give you tomorrow. So look forward to that. It's good karma coming your way.

Oh, and as far as being good've failed to mentioned your charity work with the handicap!
I mean, you know ME...and that takes A LOT of compassion on your behalf. You're doing a lot of good for the less fortunate (and by less fortunate, I mean the geeks of the universe).

Luff, Lurve, Lava,
The Geekest Geek who ever Geeked.

Chris Hill said...

If you want to see karma in action come to the cafe and watch Campbell's Soup Guy die. Seriously. For the folks who don't know, this guy has been coming to our coffee shop for about 18 years and he takes delight in being THAT customer. He hassles the crew, makes rude and lewd comments to women, never tips, and is in general the biggest douche in the store. Now he is dying, old, weak, frail, and alone. It's almost sad, almost, because when he does finally make it to the counter to order he is still a jerk.

Jon Hunt said...

I actually got in huge trouble one day for calling Campbell's Soup Guy an asshole to his face. Or, rather, to another co-worker when he was standing at the counter.

steve zahn said...

You know what always makes me feel better. Fame. My fame specifically.

Anonymous said...

Jon. Sorry to hear about your (and your missus') troubles. However, two things to keep in mind.

1) there's no soul/afterlife -- our psyche/mind is merely chemical processes occuring in the brain.

2) Shit happens -- Randomness/choas is the natural order of things.

Febrifuge said...

Anonymous from this morning: so... how is "keeping this in mind" supposed to help?

Being an Existentialist is much like being a vegetarian, in that there are two critical steps:

1) Stop believing that existence has any meaning (or alternatively, stop eating meat).

2) Shut the hell up about it.

(Props are due to A. Whitney Brown)

Anonymous said...

Febrifuge asks: how is "keeping this in mind" supposed to help?

It helps in the sense that one needn't always blame oneself. Often times events happen due to no fault of one's own. Better to role up your sleeves and deal with the outcome rather than waste time getting down on yourself or engaging in superstitious thinking.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I second the motion for more drinking.

Febrifuge said...

Anonymous: Ahhhh. I get it now. Sorry I assumed you meant the a-hole version of what you said, and not the thoughtful one.

I'm a little too used to the "life is random" angle being used as a way to suggest a person may as well just give up trying to make sense of it all. I happen to agree that the answers are fairly impossible to actually find, but that doesn't mean there can't be value in the process.

But you're right: as much as it's nice to imagine there's some control or at least logic to it, the flip side is that things take on way too much superstition and artificial, imposed meaning.

Still. I don't think that's what Jonny actually means. IMHO, he's just saying, damn, this shit makes no sense.

Teslagrl said...

Anon. has a good point.

IMO there is no karma. Shit happens. I do believe that if you're a "good person" (e.g. not a murderer, thief, etc.) and work hard that good things will come your way. But bad sh*t will always work it's way in there as well. We're all human.


Teslagrl said...

I meant to add this at the end before hitting post "and that's the way life rolls".