Does it ever make you absolutely nauseated to know that somebody's reading your blog you hoped would never read your blog? That ever happen to you? Knowing that this person has now read details about your life that you felt perfectly comfortable revealing to friends -- hell, and strangers and fans and the fucking postman, but not *this particular person*, not in a million, billion years??
What the hell do you do? Do you stop blogging, or do you extend the literal/figurative middle finger at this person and keep on talking about your life with pride and confidence, knowing full well they're keeping a fucking checklist of shit they could possibly use as ammo against you at a later time?
I dunno, I'm at a bit of a crossroads, here. I'm tempted to just hang the shit up rather than reveal even the tiniest detail of my life to this particular person. I don't even want them to know what I had for dinner last night, you know? Let alone what I did last night or how my relationships are going or how much money I spent on this, that, or the other, or even just what I'm up to in California.
Shit. You feel oddly safe talking to a crowd of friends, strangers and well-wishers, but when somebody stumbles on your shit that you don't WANT to, you feel oddly vulnerable. Psychically raped, even, despite the fact that YOU put the information out there. Its a weird duality of blogging, isn't it?
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16 comments:
I totally do understand, I've been really frank with my life and tried to write in a way that I wouldn't be mortified even if people who know me that I haven't invited to read me might, but it's sometimes like walking a really surreal tightwire. In any case, the internet is just not as much fun when you're gone.
Oh, Jonny! Yes, I've had it happen, and I almost threw in the towel on blogging, I even posted a goodbye to my readers, but then I don't know I just came back and started blogging again and made all my old entries private, but blogging hasn't been the same. I'm a bit more reserved, I wish I didn't have to be. It did feel like I was raped. Like the most uncomfortable anal raping ever. I'm always interested in what you have to say, no matter what you do, it's always so eloquently put and I love your musical insights! You're a fantastic writer and it'd be a true shame to see you shooed off by some evil monster!
-Ashley
A-yup. This is probably just a normal step in the life cycle of any blog.
I say eff 'em, whoever they are. I always write as if my worst enemy -- the one I haven't even met yet -- is paging through gigabytes of old crap, trying to prove I always was an idiot, and not fit to ply my trade.
It makes me keep the very best stories to myself, and wrap the others up in obscuring details, but it doesn't stop me from writing. Sometimes you just have to. You know what that's about.
And hey, I found the blog of someone who probably wouldn't want me reading it. I voluntarily stopped checking in on it every couple of months when I realized there's no point to it.
It's not like rape; it's like performing in a public park, and realizing that your unwanted someone is in the crowd. You're not there to be seen, exactly, and you're definitely not there for that person. So who cares what they think?
Oh, Jonny!
Do we know the same person?
GAH!
If you were wondering where my Face Book page went, I deleted it a few days ago because of this very subject.
And you know it takes a heck of a lot for me to dislike someone this much.
Yes. I was hasty in my decision, but the mere thought of this person finding me and knowing my married last name made me want to crawl out of my skin. Yet, I regret yanking the page because I was in touch with some amazing people I hadn't spoken to in years. Now they are all gone. :(
I know it is hard, but I think you should stick it out. This person you speak of is just going to keep looking for any tid-bit they can find about you.
Maybe they have been here all along? They will prolly read this post and get so freaked out that they will never return for fear you might call their ass out.
Please don't leave us. You are among friends and we love your writing. Who else is going to tell us about all the insider music nib- nobs first hand?
xx
Jon, I don't know if I'd call myself "A Blogger" despite my Blog...but I grapple with this issue just about every time I hit the "publish" button.
What I've decided to do is make it a black and white issue. If there's something that I don't want one person to know, I don't blog about it. That might seem limiting, but I've just decided to be very open about my life and not worry about who knows most of my deep dark secrets. And the deepest and darkest that I don't want certain people to know, I just leave that stuff out. Which is also tricky because there are certain things about myself that I want 99% of the world to know, things that I'm proud of, or whatever...but I have to hold back just in case.
In any case, I hope you keep it up. I rely on many of your entries to vicariously experience the LA I miss so desperately.
Jonny,
I so enjoy your dispatches and it would be a damn shame if some dweeb (it's Perez Hilton, isn't it?) ran you off.
Maybe you could start a mailing list of us cool folks and carry on that way or do the My Space thing and just pick/choose your subbers.
But don't let some troublemaker stop you from doing what makes you happy, you dig?
Onward,
Jeffrey
(aka the Marquee guy from My Space)
If you give up, Jonny ...well, the terrorists win!
Seriously, in the modern age there always seems to be google-cam snappin pics of us when we least expect it. At least, with your blog, you can control what you're posting.
I will be very sad if you shut down the blog, even though I am just a creepy lurker-girl. I had to do this with one of my old blogs. You could start a new secret and protected blog, maybe.
I know the raped feeling, but eventually I just decided to be uber-confident, which I'm not, and to say fuck those who made me feel like I would have to explain myself, who would ridicule me, and people that I despise.
//It makes me keep the very best stories to myself, and wrap the others up in obscuring details, //
//blogging hasn't been the same. I'm a bit more reserved, I wish I didn't have to be.//
It's not fair to have to do this, but it is a compromise that still allows you to write.
//But don't let some troublemaker stop you from doing what makes you happy, you dig?//
I agree with this.
Once a significant other's friend found an entry I wrote about my significant other, totally misinterpreted it, and went tattling to my significant other even though I had posted the thing on the internet and clearly felt no shame in it. The subsequent rift changed my way of blogging to this day. My advice is to craft a "blogging character" which is slightly different than yourself and stick to entries within that voice. I understand the need to write everything here. But there's something to be said for keeping things to yourself - your own little secrets. Plus sometimes when I try to tell people stories, they stop me with "I know, I read it on your blog." Well, good luck anyway, but the bottom line after it all is definitely "fuck 'em."
A similar but slightly different approach would be to not blog about areas of your life where you might be vulnerable to that "certain someone" using the information against you. Dig? In fact edit it off right now, because they probably didn't have enough sense to print it, and it is their word against yours!!
You should never stop writing. It is too much fun to read your take on the LA scene, music and the general light-hearted aspect - and on the flip side the jaundiced eye of so many situations. You have a way of telling a story that would truly be missed.
Ok, ok, I swear I'll stop reading!
Just kidding, hang in there and live your life the way you want - free from those who would judge in the past, present or future.
Jonny, if my mom found my blog, I would DIE. DIE!
I felt like that once - and my website was totally boring. I just didn't want that one person finding it and it was only due to a silly mistake that they did. In the end I breezed over it with them, and then a couple of months later thought to myself 'what the heck, they know now and there's nothing I can do', so I switched my thinking to a stubborn 'who cares' mixed with pride. They're probably just jealous of my ace life, like with your mystery reader! But remember - never put anything up you wouldn't want your gran to read!!!
An interesting conundrum for sure...I would recommend extending that virtual middle finger in ways that would only be obvious to that person. Great fun, that.
Ooh, now I want to know who you mean! (Aside: why haven't I talked to you in like a month? What the hell?) There are a few people I would prefer never found my blog. But honestly, I don't worry about it. I've gotten into too much trouble in my past saying shit that I shouldn't have said that now? I don't say it if I wouldn't say it to someone's face. Of course there are some people that it's just easier if you can avoid saying it in the first place...
"Its a weird duality of blogging, isn't it?"
No, it's the explicit reality of blogging, or posting anything, anywhere via the internet. Unless you create or join an exclusive situation, what you write is going to be read by people you will never meet or know.
What that requires, of course, is the fortitude to accept that reality, and the ability to decide to either keep what would normally be be private as private, or continue to tell the world about the Life Of Jon.
BTW, the tortured, torn blogger would be an interesting character in a movie or book.
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