So: Along with relationships come experiences, and along with experiences come memories. And when relationships end, and I think virtually everybody can attest to this, some of those memories become extremely painful. This means you find yourself not able to listen to certain music, or go to certain restaurants, or visit certain parks or streets or watch certain TV shows because it hurts too bad -- even just the hint of certain stuff coming on the radio makes your heart break in two, even years later. Right? Or, god help me, is it just me?
Sometimes you never get it back. There's stuff from Major Relationship #1 that I still can't listen to, including the song we played at our wedding (which, dammit, is on my favorite album of all time, and yeah, it's still kinda ouchie even 15 years later). I can't play Belle and Sebastian because it reminds me of breaking off Major Relationship #2 -- not that I was sad to see the ass-end of that sucker (I wasn't -- believe me), but listening to "If You're Feeling Sinister" brings back memories I'd rather not revisit, including time spent in the psych ward of a hospital eating mashed potatoes and yams because they couldn't figure out a vegetarian diet for their one suicidal hippie. Yay!
So what I've done recently is seized the bull by the horns. I've decided that I'm reclaiming each and every thing I lost in the proverbial fire. Mostly music, granted -- that's the worst of it, for me. I mean, who cares if you can't go to That One Perkins On The West Bank In Minneapolis anymore? Big whoop. But to be unable to listen to records you dig? GAHH -- that sucks.
Lemme tell ya: even if its making me stronger (and it is, believe me) it is frequently no damn fun at all. I mean, its fun AFTERWARDS, when suddenly you find yourself able to listen to "Apple Venus Vol. 2" and mostly be reminded of the ten trips to and from Venice, CA you took while listening to it rather than the time your ex threw a scissors at your head in a fight (true story!). But during? It sucks, because you have to relive memories that at best are sorta ouchie and at worst you've spent quality time trying to bury so deeply even the dog can't fucking find 'em.
Ultimately, though? I see a time when I'll be able to listen to every single record in my collection without any pain of the heart variety, and that's awesome. Might take me ten years and a heapin' helpin' of vodka and tears, but I'm gonna do it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
14 comments:
Two fo the hardest 'taking it backs' for me. Led Zeppelin and 'Nightmare Before Christmas'.
Made Kashmir my new ring tone for a handsome young lad that drives to Venice almost every day.
Saw 'Nightmare Before Christmas' in 3-D at the theater with a group of friends last Halloween. Yeah...I took it up a notch!
Take THAT taken..um..it...back!
Next...the gloroius Holiday of Halloween itself. W00t!!
xoxo
Trix
It's been a rough relationship memorabilia day over at the Ashley camp.
Today was my last day of school, and its both a relief and burden because now I have all that extra time to think about everything I've been putting off thinking about because of school. I wandered aimlessly through target and then sat in the parking lot for half an hour before thinking, "wtf am I doing here?"
I still haven't brought myself to cry but I've got that ugly drowning feeling.
Cue music: "Ooo Child" by the five stair steps.
I know I'm not a "big" drinker, but now would be an adequate time for you and Trix to take me out and get me completely sloshed.
Rough day indeed.
-Ashley!
THIS WEEK, we're doing it.
Ooo, this is a good topic.
It took me years to listen to the Go-Betweens' "1978-1990" comp again without getting nauseous.
Also, Robyn Hitchcock's "Eye." Oy vey.
David Sylvian's "Secrets of the Beehive." Horribleness.
And, that first Sigur Ros EP, whateverinIcelanicit's called. I *still* can't listen to that fucking thing.
I've reclaimed most of my music, but that's the one that still sticks. Maybe you can't reclaim ALL of it, but if you get close enough, I commend you.
(Sorry I played B & S at my dinner party)!
About 10 years ago, I became involved with a girl in out of all places, a Monkees chat room (ah, the days of typing about "saving the Texas Prairie Chicken" and other pre-fab four inside stuff only the die-hards could appreciate).
Anyway, to make a much longer story short (like Davy), I never thought I'd be able to listen to the likes of Sometime In The Morning, You Just May Be The One and any Peter track again..(she LOVED Peter, btw...and during a love birds trek to one of his Two Man Band shows, I had to witness the so called "dummy" of the group (no dummy by far in reality and a really nice guy) kiss my then lady...and yep, a little jealous bone revealed itself. albeit with laughs in the long run.
Anyway, once you get past the memories attached to the personal soundtrack album of a relationship, the joy you found at hearing great pieces of musical artistry for the first time always comes back, at least that's been my experience. Took a while, but I'm finally able to listen to I Only Have Eyes For You by The Flamingos (perhaps my favorite song of all time) again without getting misty.
Another good blog entry that inspired me to comment; thanks for sharing (and Trixi, I'm glad your folks are okay after the tornado scare last week...all too familiar with that drill in my region of the country this time of year).
Um, you mentioned an XTC album. Looooovvveee yooooou!
But more on this note, PJ Harvey's "Stories from the City..." It once caused me to break down, tearfully pleading with my friends to tell me "how can anyone love me?" (whoa, a little unexpected emotion coming up in real life here). I've since taken it back.
Anonymous, I am SO GLAD I never lost "Secrets of the Beehive." I don't know what I'd do without it.
May I?
Permanently shelved at my residence are Blind Melon's Soup and Bright Eyes' Fevers and Mirrors. PJ Harvey's Is This Desire? took a 2-year sabbatical, but I'm totally over that one.
I just started listening to Wilco again after six years.
I genuinely can't watch That Thing You Do any more because of Steve Zahn. Damn you Hunt. You ruined it for everyone.
I *still* can't do Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. I'll maybe save that for last-ish!
ARGH, that was Jonny posting as Trixi! Lousy shared computers!!
Prove it! All these various identities! The gall!
....wait......
Post a Comment