(ed. note: Yes, my Christmas was WONDER-FUCKING-FUL, as was my New Years. More on that later. Promise.)
Um, okay, today begins a new feature of Hatesexy, in which I talk about an album I just do not like no matter how hard I try, and you all, with your far superior and more intellectual taste (I mean, heck, you read me, right?), try to explain to me why I should like it.
First album we'll discuss: Animal Collective's Strawberry Jam.
I just. Do. Not. Get. It. I've tried -- I've listened to the thing like 20 times. I've tried listening to it as a freak-folk album, as a techno album, as a lo-fi album, and all the spaces in between. I've tried to dig into the songwriting, to the singing, to the production. I've read all the glowing reviews calling it a psychedelic cracked masterpiece and gone back and relistened with fresh ears.
To me, it sounds like two total fucking nerds who got a freaking casio and slopped the damn thing together with that paste the retarded kid from your class used to eat. And while that sounds like it might be charming, I don't hear a single charm. It sounds graceless. It sounds clunky. The rhythms jar, and not in a good way. It's all too loud and ugly, and also not in a good way. The synths sound like they were used by people who have only had synths DESCRIBED to them, poorly, by someone in a different language. And the voices GRATE. Oh, how they grate.
To quote Butthead:
"They should, like, try harder. Uh huh. Huh. Uh huh huh."
(Points, btw, for using a totally out-of-date pop culture reference that hasn't been relevant in about ten years, if that. Take THAT, Diablo Cody.)
So, folks: What am I missing?