Thursday, January 17, 2008

Jonny Answers His Critics

(First off: I'm sure you all read on Diablo's blog that we had our first lawyer meeting. It went awesome. We cracked jokes all the way through it (much to the dismay and confusion of our poor lawyer), and followed it up with beer and pub food at the Village Idiot, my fave LA watering hole. If there's an award for "best Hollywood divorce ever," I expect to win it, and in my speech I'm not gonna forget all the little people. Okay?)

Second of all: since I'm an extremely public and open person who wears his heart on his bloody, sodden sleeve, I'm just gonna come out and say this. There are people out there who have a problem with the fact that I'm in a relationship. And see, here's the thing: I was not aware that love had a set of rules. I always thought that emotions were emotions, and they happened when and how they happened, and sometimes they happen at inopportune times, but such is life. But what I didn't know was that there are laws, apparently set down by some irate ancient Greek who wasn't getting any. Here they are:

1. When you split up with someone, you have to wait a certain amount of time (six months, one year, two years, ten years) before you can get into another relationship. Either for mourning, or for just, y'know, prudence.

2. When you DO date again, you have to make sure the person you're dating is somebody random -- it can't be someone you knew already, and certainly can't be someone who dated someone else you know.

3. Make sure you know the difference between real love and the following: puppy love, lust, infatuation, confused feelings, depression, friendship, "like," etc.

There are others, but those are the three that people have made me the most aware of recently. The other correlaries ("You shouldn't date someone more than five inches shorter than you," "make sure they're relatively the same age as yourself," "never go ass to mouth," etc.) are like Love Misdemeanors. Those three are apparently the big Love Felonies, and if you break them, the Love Police comes, locks you up in Love Jail, and -- I don't know where I'm going with this, but bear with me.

Look, as I said before: love is love. You can't predict when it's gonna happen. It just happens. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Sometimes its with someone you just met, outta the blue, and sometimes its with someone you knew for a long, long time. Sometimes it happens at the right time, like when you've been single for two years and you're ready to cynically give up on romance and all of a sudden BAM the right person comes along (or so I'm told). And sometimes it happens at the wrong time, like when you're in a relationship or just out of one. But it happens when it happens.

And the thing is: there's no stopping it. I mean, yeah, you can deny yourself like some kind of crazed monk, lock yourself up in, uh, a Love Monestary with other Love Monks and go "I DENY THIS LOVE! I MUST PURGE IT FROM MY BEING!" Or you can, you know, be happy. I need to knock off the metaphors right now, but anyway, let me continue while I'm on a roll.

For the record: yeah, I mourned. I mourned like a motherfucker. The 20-some lbs. I lost (and then, depressingly, gained back, all to my stomach) are testament to my mourning. People mourn in their own ways, in their own times, and I mourned as long as I needed to mourn, and then, thanks mostly to the fact that Diablo and I are damn good friends still, began the "healing process" as they call it. Which was accelerated perhaps by the fact that Diablo and I didn't spend five months screaming at each other in a court of law, preferring instead to laugh over beers and crack jokes about our breakup (it was called, yesterday, "that break-up kerfuffle." Yeah. That's the attitude!)

So then I, y'know, I fell in love. What was I supposed to do? "So yeah, I'm in love with this person, and I know for a fact that I wanna spend my life with this person but, ah, heck, its just kinda inconvenient right now, and people are looking at me funny, and there's a few people kinda turning their noses up at it -- so hell with it, hell with my happiness, hell with her happiness, hell with our feelings, I'm going to DENY THEM and ditch this person to the (k/c)urb and WAIT UNTIL PEOPLE THINK ITS MORE PRUDENT."

Um, no. See, here's the deal you may not know about me: I like to break rules. Dunno if you knew that about me, but its true. I don't make any apology for love, thanks.

Also: I'm 37 years old. And for the record (I'm going on the record a lot these days!), I was married THREE TIMES (and before you all think I'm some kind of inherently flawed individual -- the first breakup is the only one that was entirely 100% my fault. Number two was entirely NOT my fault, and number three was just this thing that was neither of our fault. So circumstances were NOT the same. If anything I'm just a hopeless romantic and never lost faith in marriage. But I digress.) and I know the difference between love and not love. I know what lust feels like -- I read pornography, thanks. I know what puppy love feels like -- I was a fucking teenager. I know what "muddled feelings" feel like, having once before jumped too quickly into a really shitty relationship in post-breakup confusion and desire to find someone the exact opposite of the person I was with. So I'm not confused. I'm thirty-seven, I have lots of relationships behind me, and I know what I want out of life and what love is and what respect and relationships and all that stuff are about.

Dunno. Does any of this make any sense? Both Trixi and myself -- and lots of other people I know and respect -- have always been the kind of people to make no apologies about our feelings for people. And I think that's something to admire rather than pity.

And yes, I am extremely happy. If you know and love me, that should be what really matters.

27 comments:

Prince Gomolvilas said...

"I know what lust feels like -- I read pornography, thanks."

...Porn is not lust! I can't tell you how many times I've fallen in LOVE while flipping through Inches Magazine!

Jon Busey-Hunt said...

INCHES?????

Dude, I read Yards Magazine. You should try it. Its way more fun.

kingseyeland said...

I used to worry what other people thought, but then I realized no one gives a shit what I think, so I stopped giving a shit about them, and then I stopped thinking, and then I found my girlfriend. It actually all happened pretty quickly.

Jon Busey-Hunt said...

Yeah, I used to worry about what other people thought too. Then I realized they all thought I was a dink, and so I *had* to stop for my own sanity.

Brash Lion said...

It seems usually the people that are all wound up in other people's shit and have so much judgment to throw around are the ones that have something to hide about themselves.

I have the privilege of experiencing your new other half's side of the story almost every day and anytime I catch myself thinking, "just be careful (with your heart/life/etc), Trixi..." I have to remember that I have my own issues with what love is and it is not my right to put them on her.

Bless the both of ya. Fortune smiles on you.

Jon Busey-Hunt said...

Court, you are genuinely awesome good people.

Superbadfriend said...

Hey, I'm a total dink and I could give a shit what people say about me. ;-)

I love that you are in love. My goodness, I don't think there is an ex I am not friends with. More power to you all. Life's too fucking short.

Be happy. Do it all. Why not?

HUGS!

Febrifuge said...

Preach on, brother!

(Although the "don't go ass-to-mouth" thing probably is good advice")

Tim said...

JBH,

I don't know you, I just know you through your blog and I admire your passion. I can only imagine how good this felt to write.

Otherside - Ken Worthing & Deborah Harris said...

Jon, you have been (and continue to be) my hero. God bless you, Sir!

Ken.W

vfleblanc said...

Jon, you deserve to be happy now. You were an awesome husband to your ex, and the woman who is lucky enough to have your love and affection now, will only become more awesome than she already is, as a result of it. The two of you have both been through so much pain. You were friends first and for a long time, so you know each other very well. I wish you both A lifetime of love and laughter.

Diablo Cody said...

These two weirdos have MY blessing, that's for darned sure.

Diablo Cody said...

Oh, and Jessie is right-- life is TOO fucking short for that noise.

As Jim Walsh would say, don't be careful with your love.

Jon Busey-Hunt said...

Deebs, you fucking rock. And Gigi, you do too. Hell, you ALL do.

Coco said...

Does a lot of this "love" advice come from people who are stuck in horrific and loveless relationships that they stay in because it's the "right thing to do" or "for the good of the children"? Dumb. fucking retarded.

The only rule should be: if you're miserable, find what makes you happy. If you find what makes you happy, screw everyone else (unless they're from the yards magazine, that could be painful)

plastic passion said...

i wish that unhappy people would stop trying to spread their unhappiness on to others. dumb buttfaces!

Anonymous said...

Great stuff, Jon. Love ya, man.
Ian

Accepts Affection said...

Love is wonderful.

Sometimes you can never get over.

Sometimes there will be those exceptional people that always have a piece of your heart. Maybe they all do. I don't know.

But the worst is being that person that comes after them that might have to live with the knowledge that they weren't that one.

Good luck. And much happiness.

Anonymous said...

From the Sidekick of MissTrixi-
18 comments...EIGHTEEN! And it's just now that I add my two cents. I'm such a loser, but the boy sees sumthin in me worth blogging about. *sigh*

Yup, this co-heart-on-sleeve wearer must agree with the LOVErly man's musings. We realized our deep love for eachother 'outside' of the usual so called boundries. I fell head over heals for my best friend, who happens to be the ex of another of my best friends. It happened quickly, but not. And we are sappily, sickeningly happy. Those that question it just don't 'get' it. Yes, there have been some well meaning nay sayers in our circle that have been a bit of a buzz kill when we share our happy news of trixi+jonnyness. After bearing witness to MY 'year of divorce Hell' at the very least, a little joy at our happy news would be so much nicer than the deep suck in of breathe and the worry face followed by 'gee, be careful' and 'how do the ex's feel about this? Are THEY ok?' (I love you Diablo bab-ee). We are happy! Yay! My ex- not a very kind lad, one may say ('one' being me). Jonny- heart of fricken gold. I dare to divulge on the nets that he's the luv of me life. Take THAT brooders.

Thanks for the support kids. A speical nod to Diablo and Gigi for your kindnesses and luuuv.

Thanks to jonny for being so fabu and hawt! Xoxo
(Hmmm...I should've just blogged this)
-
Trix

belsum said...

People are giving you hell? Bastages. Fuck 'em.

Miss you.

Mimi said...

What happens if you go ass to mouth?

Otherside - Ken Worthing & Deborah Harris said...

Mimi: Good food never tastes the same again :))

Jon Busey-Hunt said...

Mimi: watch Clerks 2. Now. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

Mimi said...

If my mouth is going down there, then the least you can do is kiss it afterwards to say thank-you. You americans are such pussies.

Mimi said...

... I have watched clerks 2 but i will rewatch to catch the ref. reading kevin smith's book right now. In between making a prize twat of myself by hurling myself at disinterested males, sigh...

Marne said...

Like I've always told you two, as long as you're both happy, that's all that matters to me. You shouldn"t have to justify your feelings to anyone else, cause they're not in your shoes. I just wish "your love" wouldn't take you both so damned far away from us, sniff sniff. But I still love you crazy kids like crazy!!!!!

Jerry Stalwall said...

Stay strong. People are weird, never mind 'em. Very happy you're happy my friend. But yeah seriously, ass to mouth= bad idea. Trust me.