So there's probably some of you out there who are wondering WHY I'm not the most prolific songwriter ever. I mean, I have a proven track-record of being a not-so-bad songwriter, so why am I not constantly sitting around with my guitar in hand bashing out pop gems for the ages?
I'll tell you why. Music Mode.
When I go into Music Mode, it's like I'm in another world. People who've had the misfortune of living with me will attest to this. I'm distracted. I constantly have "websurfing" voice when I talk, like I'm really paying attention to something else and am just cursorily replying -- which is true, I am paying attention to something else. I'm going over and over some melodic fragment or arrangement choice in my head. I don't sleep, because I'm constantly thinking of a better way to end this verse or that verse or the other verse. At work, I listen over and over to certain songs that I think will help me solve some songwriting dilemma. If I had to describe the feeling I get, its a combination of mind-numbing pain and constant distracting adrenaline rush.
But, see, I've discovered something else. I have the power to turn this songwriting mode ON AND OFF.
Once I switch it on, it's hard to turn off. I have to totally IGNORE what I'm doing for, like, a week solid, and then I'm able to relate to normal society for a while until I start it up again. And it ain't easy to start up again, either -- I have to spend a couple weeks thinking about MAYBE sitting down to write some songs. But listen: if I *didn't* shut it off occasionally, I would have no normal human relationships whatsoever which explains why so many songwriters don't.
The only time I can leave it on constantly is when I'm distracted by WORSE PAIN -- which is why most of my best songwriting coincides with periods of crippling depression.
The reason I mention this is that I'm currently not in a period of crippling depression, but I am in songwriting mode. I've been recording some songs for a 2nd Silvergirl album (yeah, I had a first one, it just sat around on my computer until I posted it on the blog!) and my brain feels like jelly. Trix has noticed. She'll ask me something, and I'll kind of respond but she knows FULL WELL that I have no idea what she just said, and if she asked for a play-by-play I wouldn't be able to respond.
So, see, I love Music Mode, but I hate it at the same time, deeply. I have a feeling THIS round of Music Mode might end with me starting a LIVE VERSION of this band, but rehearsing and playing stuff that's already written and arranged doesn't hurt NEARLY as bad. Music: the cause of, and the solution to, all life's ills.
7 comments:
Well, at least you didn't talk about the horrible screaming matches that ensue when you are in 'Music Mode' - haha.
I KID people!
No, it's been an interesting week. Jonny has this constant look of distraction and I think that he's mad at me half the time because he isn't running his usual babble from morning till night (it's very charming and sweet babble that I volley back at every phrase).
These moments of music writing are important. This 'Music Mode' is part of jonny's genius at work. And LOVE to see the progression of a hummed line or two as it grows into the full 6 part instrumental with 4 part harmony. Musik, he gots it!
xoxo
Trix
I fully encourage Music Mode!
(But listen to me when I'm talking to you!)
I've heard a couple songs, and they are exactly the genius you would expect. But I want to help. Dammit I need a Minneapolis to LA stargate. The new songs have more of a rock feel than the old Silvergirl stuff.
Hey when you're in Music Mode you should still respond to emails you bastard. Then again, sometimes I send a lot, especially when I'm in Creative Mode myself. Did I ever tell you how much I love Depeche Mode?
Ha! This is the story of my life. I'm glad to know there's someone else out there irritating their friends and family in the same lunatic ways.
-KF
P.S. - I'm totally stealing the term "websurfing voice."
Right at the moment, I would sell my grandmother to get into "Homework Mode," but my brain insists that I deserve a three-day weekend before I start my next thing. Meantime, the last thing is not actually over yet, because shit is due. Stupid brain. I want the fun kind of ADHD.
Anyway, what I mean to say is, that 'locking in' phenomenon you're experiencing is a very cool thing in many ways. That you are able to command it is pretty frickin' sweet. I know you will use this power wisely and well.
Silvergirl rocks! Eventually I wanna be on one of these records, too, like I said I could before I moved and stuff.
Since you are in music mode, I assume its appropriate to say: Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
I love all the Silvergirl stuff, I am happy to say listening to that disc gives me as much pleasure in high summer as it did when it was as cold as fuck and I could pretend I was in CA myself. Now just consider also recording a cover of "I Wasn't Born to Follow" and I will be happy.
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