So in case any of you were wondering where I am -- yes, I know, THRONGS of you, armed with cameras and a chance at a lock of my hair! -- I *am* in fact back in Los Angeles, "workin' it" and continuing in my attempt to wrestle this city to the ground, throttle it, and then tongue-kiss its corpse. Today, in a freak of nature that has the hale and hearty Angeleans scattering like cockroaches into their million-dollar abodes, it is raining. What's so frickin' big about rain, you ask? I didn't know either, but when they shut my work down a couple hours earlyyesterday it struck me that the rain in Los Angeles is a lot like the Oobleck in the Dr. Seuss book "Bartholomew and the Oobleck," in which a bunch of wizards summon forth green gloppy stuff from the skies to please a bored king. In other words: they ain't got a clue how to deal with it. It's kind of funny. I stood up at work and screamed at the top of my lungs "YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF PUSSIES." My co-workers looked genuinely hurt. "Hey -- I'm not a pussy," one of them said, with a slightly hangdog expression. Note to self: do not call the workers at your new job "pussies." Even if its true. YOU ARE ALL PUSSIES, LOS ANGELES.
Listening to: the sound of rain.
Watching: rain. Pissing down from all angles. I moved here to escape this nonsense.
Reading: these words as I'm typing them to you. If I could read "rain," I probably would have to.
5 comments:
An accusation like "YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF PUSSIES" works even better when you use visual aids. After screaming that next time, you should start throwing tampons and other feminine hygiene products at them to drive home the point. "Plug it up, bitches!"
Wow, I can't believe they closed down work early because of rain. That's just as bad as DC being shut down for a few inches of snow. Ridiculous!
Glad you're back blogging!
portland, oregon also shuts down at the light dusting of snow we eventually receive for a few hours, one day a year. they have city wide reporters holding a bit of the melting powder in their gloved hands and round the clock coverage of WINTER BLAST 2006. you can imagine my horror at what A BUNCH OF PUSSIES oregonians are, after being reared in Fargo.
I feel like a failure to deal well with weather is extra offensive to those of us who have braved and embraced weather in Mn. It's not even just the snow factor I mean.
I went to Vegas with a friend in 2000 (me from MN, she from ND) and we only gradually caught on that we were weird for WALKING THE LENGTH OF THE STRIP several times a day in 101-degree heat. We are hardy mofos, to be sure.
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