So, uh, I'm back. Um --
You want the goods on the Toronto Film Festival, no?
Like most probably the most awesome time of my life. Even though "Juno" isn't MY success per se (although seeing Jason Bateman play a slightly more skeezy but no less, um, arrested version of myself is pretty awesome) I'm still thrilled sick at all the buzz and craziness that's been going on around here. I mean, seriously, BUZZ. CRAZINESS. A buzz as loud as the swarming of hundreds of buzzing honeybees slowly dying from that weird hive sickness thing. That loud. Man, I'm proud of that girl.
- Meeting all the Juno actors was mind-bogglingly cool. Diablo and I are both rabid Arrested Development fanatics (TOO LATE -- its our fault, like exactly our two people's fault, that the show was canceled because we only watched sporadically, curse us forever!) and meeting the Bluths (both of whom are awesome human beings AND hysterical actors) made my geek head spin around like that little kid from the Exorcist who was hot in all those prison movies. Also rad: J.K. Simmons, who didn't at all seem to mind me telling him how killer awesome he was in Spider-Man. Well, he was. There's no denying, is there? Can you imagine another human being as J. Jonah? Alison Janney was gracious and kind and sweet, Ellen Page is fucking HARD FUCKING CORE and Olivia Thirlby is kind of the surprise awesome actress from the film, when you see it you'll go "wow, ELLEN IS GREAT and wow, MICHAEL CERA --" and suddenly you'll go "and holy shit, Olivia Thirlby is tearing the living shit out of that part," but she's so effortless at doing so you almost don't notice until of course you suddenly do. I say she's channeling my wife -- you folks who know her personally will have to decide.
- Got to talk at length to Edgar Wright, who made my favorite film this year, Hot Fuzz. I told him "I thought "Hot Fuzz" was the best film of the year*," and I'm sure he thought "wow, this guy is blowing smoke up my arse," except those were my exact words upon leaving the theater -- Diablo will attest! -- "Holy shit, that was the BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR." And it is, too, and Shaun of the Dead was the best movie of whatever the year was THAT bastard came out, and I'm sure whatever his next project will be the best movie of whatever year it comes out, too, especially if, as rumored, he adapts the Scott Pilgrim graphic novels. White fucking hot, that. Plus: He's a PAUL WILLIAMS FAN. Just when you think "this guy cannot get any cooler," he turns around and is a Paul Williams fan. You guys know how I feel about "Someday Man."
- I get a little starstruck around actors (example: Anne Hathaway thinks I'm a total douchebag because I was so dumbstruck I babbled inanely at her about what a great improviser she was!). And I always find that I have nothing to say unless I've had a few (at which point I probably have too MUCH to say). But the one time I got really, really, really starstruck was when I rode an elevator with Jim Broadbent. If you don't recognize the name, he's in *every British movie ever made*. He's in Hot Fuzz, for one, and is about to be in the new Indy Jones for another, and he's AMAZING in Art School Confidential, and Gangs of New York, and about 2000000 other movies as well. I wanted to say "wow, you're so awesome, I loved you in Hot Fuzz -- oh, and by the way, I know Edgar!" But all I said was "". That's the sound of me sweating profusely, looking around nervously, and finally getting off the elevator.
- Ben Affleck is TALL, and Jennifer Garner is STUNNING in real life. She said to me "Oh, I've heard all about you," and I thought "wow, Jennifer Garner knows who I am," which, for a dorky nerd from Minneapolis, is pretty amazing. Take that, Cooper High School Football Team**.
- I have seen, other than Juno, exactly zero films at the festival. Zero. Tonight I'm told we may get to see one, I'll tell y'all how it is. I would have liked to have seen the Cronenberg thing (which J. Reitman nicknamed "Dick Shower Knife Fight" -- when you see it, you'll know) and the Coen Brothers thing. Also, today I tried to find a movie theater NOT showing festival movies so I could see "3:10 To Yuma," but there aren't any.
- Best party: last night we went to the party for "Joy Division," the documentary about the band of the same name (duh) which we didn't get to see (duh duh) -- but dude, PETER FUCKING HOOK was there, DJ'ing a set. You don't understand. When I was in college, I bought a leather biker jaket (it was that era -- I was goth, okay?) and unlike everybody else, who painted "BAUHAUS" on the back of their jacket, I painted my favorite fucking band of the era -- NEW ORDER. Not even Joy Division, but NEW ORDER. To this day, I worship them, and seeing Hookie three feet in front of me spinning a buncha Joy Division/New Order remixes made my sixteen-year-old self freak the fuck out and jump up and down. I danced. Those of you who know me know that I'm too self-conscious and nervous to dance but you better believe I danced to Peter Fucking Hook.
- Seen: Rob Zombie, getting out of a black sedan, looking cool as shit.
- Eaten: a 100 dollar breakfast brunch which seriously was worth the entire hundred dollars, and DELICIOUS sausages from the street vendors. Yes -- I *am* a Vegan, but I swore to myself when I became one that I would always be flexible enough to still allow for cultural experiences that involve meat. If I'm in another country and there's a hot shit meat product like the fucking spicy sausages here, you're damn tootin' I'm gonna eat them. Sorry, pigs and cows. I love you all very much and I don't even wear leather anymore but listen -- I'm also all about discovering cultures from the inside, and sometimes that involves meat.
- Product Review: The Cinnamon Twix. Seriously, folks, the best candy bar ever made by anybody ever. It tastes like that delicious mexican cocoa. You know the stuff. You should DEMAND they start making it in the US, because its seriously *that good*.
More later -- howdy!
* Besides Juno of course!
** Yeah, I still hold a grudge. Almost twenty years and I still hold a freakin' grudge.